“The loop” – A thought on the philosophy of darkness

In our sadness, we are often convinced that there is nothing worthwhile in our lives and it is truly astonishing to me, sitting in this Starbucks café, to remember that there have probably been times in everyone’s life when they, at some point, so overwhelmed by the dark emotions, have felt the urge to end the beautiful life that they’ve been given. But personally, all the experiences I’ve had till now make me realise the same thing; anguish, pain, these only exist for a moment. When our circumstances seem threatening and we fear for our futures, it is not the future that we have truly lost, it is just a moment. A moment of fear, or perhaps grief, or some other melancholic emotion that we don’t really understand, but it is just a moment in which we experience these emotions and if we can just get through that one moment, then perhaps there would seem no downside to life. Because even in our darkest moments, everything in the world is still the same; While we’re grieving in our locked rooms about how our world has gone upside down, life outside is still the same. Places stay the same, people still follow their everyday routines and nothing, existentially speaking, has changed about the manner of our lives.

The thing about emotions is that they consume us slowly, and once you feel one emotion, a hundred thoughts start circling around your mind which leads to another emotion, and then another, and then another, making us stuck in a loop. Essentially, I think this loop is the base for all the darkness and grief in the world. And what we truly must learn to live a good and fulfilling life is to overcome is this loop.

In the book “The Secret History”, the character Henry talks about a certain kind of mindfulness technique in which one thinks about all the worst memories of their life, and the trick is to silently stare at the wall while all the dark emotions relating to the memory take control of their body. For example, if I consider a memory that makes my body tremble with rage, if in that moment, I can learn to stay perfectly still, as I stare at a wall and not let the craving for violence, or any other form of release in that moment, if i let it not affect my body even a little, then that would be my greatest strength. And if we could just make our minds adapt to this technique, I believe the world would be a much better place.